everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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