He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
