My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
