its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
