We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
