weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
