At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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