So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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