i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize