I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize