so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
