I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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