he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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