I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
