he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
