He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
