I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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