He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
