I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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