plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
