I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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