sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize