dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
