uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
