'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
