Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
