I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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