I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
