I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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