He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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