so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
