why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
