im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
