its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Why is there bacon in the couch?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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