i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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