I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
soo... how was my night?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
