based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
