Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
