I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
