new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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