you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
