I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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