I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
