if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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