Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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