there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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