so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
