i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
