I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
