All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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