i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
