he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
