Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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