Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
