Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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