Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
