you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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