Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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