Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
