The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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